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Listing #5050
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Here are 3 simple steps to connect more deeply with your husband:

1. Set the stage. Plan for quiet time together, just the two of you (no television or other distractions), perhaps by taking a walk, relaxing after a meal, or just getting comfortable.

2. Ask the question. The essence is this:“What do I do that shows you I love you?”

I encourage you to introduce it like this: “I’m curious. I’ve been thinking about the things that I do or could do that show you I love you, and I wonder if you would share something I do that makes you feel loved.

Your husband may need some time to think, possibly beyond today, especially if he feels he’s being pressured to give the “right answer”, which is probably not his true answer. Just be patient. After all, nagging probably doesn’t make him feel loved. :-)

3. Respond with loving action. . . even if his answer is not what you expected. There’s an excellent possibility he may not answer with the ONE THING that you are sure makes his heart sing. But then, that is the whole point of asking, isn’t it? Your goal is to gather quality information and act with awareness so your husband will feel deeply loved.

If his answer surprises and/or disappoints you, this is NOT your cue to pounce on him like a tiger on wounded prey. Take a few deep breaths and get curious rather than frustrated.

Take the opportunity to share with him as well. Let him know something he does that shows you he loves you. These actions can take many forms, such as leaving little love notes, gently touching your shoulder, taking out the trash, giving you his undivided attention, etc.

Once he shares what makes him feel loved, be sure to do more of that, and you will be delighted by the results!

Remember, it is what we pay attention to in our relationship that grows.
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